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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Flood Gates are Wide Open

I was thinking last week that it had been almost a week since I cried last.  Today, watch out I couldn't stop crying, and I am not a crier.  We went to the fertility clinic this morning and set up my plan.  The girl who stopped taking birth control pills about eight years ago because I was worried I would get some horrible disease, today agreed to taking DOUBLE doses of birth control pills for the next ten days.  My angels have orchestrated an unbelievable timing that fits perfectly into my timeline of healing from surgery, harvesting eggs, and then starting treatment without delay.  The ride home was very rough and upsetting, so many decisions in just two weeks.  
I left the city for the afternoon and visited friends out on Vashon Island.  I got great news while out there, I do not have the BRCA 1 or 2 genes.  So that means no mastectomy on either of my breast.  I will heal much faster with the lumpectomy.  Phew, that was a huge hurdle to jump through.  I have had a day of running into people that I love and I would just start crying. My heart got opened up and I am thrilled that I am not a carrier and I am also so sad that I don't have anything to blame.  There is simply no excuse.  Absolutely no excuse as to why I have cancer.  Crazy.

  

2 comments:

Deena said...

Life is filled with so many mysteries. So many times we want to know why something happens and we just cannot seem to reason it through, nor can the tests, or the doctors or any countless ways we try to dissect something. In some way we must reach deep and decide to accept what we can and move forward on the journey. I know you are doing this. You are such a trooper Heather. I am honored to know you and be on this journey with you, as much as I can be. I cannot wait for your prayer circle and know we should hold it at Qwest Field because that's how many of us are out here praying for you and sending you healing energies right now. Namaste & love, Deena

apriljahns said...

Woo-hoo! I'm sorry you have nothing to blame it on but better for it to be a mystery than something known and really nasty, right?