The Glow Stick

Phew!  I actually slept in this morning.  Yesterday was for a lack of a better word, Icky..GROSS..mmmm..  What else could explain the disgusting stuff I got injected into me and that I got to drink.  

As D and I checked in for my PET & CT scans the check in lady gently told D that he was not going to be able to be in the room with me, while I was being injected with the stuff that helps me glow.  The F18-FDG, and this was for his safety.  For his safety?  He couldn't help but feel scared and protective of me.  He said, "If I can't be in there what is this going to do to her?"  Well we've all heard the speech before the, "It's for your own safety.  Policy is..."  I simply replied remembering what my Dad said when I first told him that I had breast cancer, I shared with him a thought that I knew wasn't going to be around much longer, about not wanting to do Chemo, " Heather, the alternative sucks."  So with that jewel in the back of my mind, that yes, I will do anything and everything I have to because I love this world, I love all of you, and I love myself.  So I told D and the check-in lady, " It's better than having Cancer."  End of story.  All this will be better than having Breast Cancer.

We got into the little room and the nice Radiationwhatever you call them Tech lady sat down with us and began telling us all the things we were going to do.  I asked if it was so bad for D to be in the room just this time, do her parents worry about her.  As she was my age.  She showed us that she wears a ring and a clip that monitor how much radiation she is  getting.  Note to all, when speaking to people about Radiation and their bodies don't pull stats from this classic line, " Well people in Chernobyl.." I forgot everything else she said from there. I started flying to Russia in my mind, and thinking that yes, we don't know the side effects because this just happened.  So, okay back to what dad said, the alternative sucks.  Give me it all.  

D was in there when they let me drink a great potion of liquid oral contrast.  Barium.  Now when your husband who is a photographer says this is going to help you with the black and white pics you gotta laugh.  I mean seriously.  I get to glow.  Awesome.  Let me tell you, if you get the chance to drink this stuff, don't sip it.  Pound it.  Fast.  I chose the berry one.  Not realizing that in a half hour I was going to get to drink another, I chose Vanila hoping it would be better.  Gross.  Imagine drinking a mixture of milk with lots of flour, almost a gravy that has perfume berry in it.  I could be on a milk commercial too.  A survivor drinking this milky mixture, just downing it for my race of a life time. 

D got to stay when they brought out this little steel bomb looking thing that held the radiation mix they were going to inject me with.  But first they injected me with Saline.  Now saline shouldn't if it was all there was, taste and smell like a rotten orange in a fruit bowl in August.  But that is exactly the senses I had simultaneously as the "Saline" was injected into my arm.  Crazy.  D was taking pics of me (so we can have em up here soon) and couldn't help but cry and say, " We are going to get through this.  We have so many things to do and see together."  Our lives are on hold. 

A few months ago we sent an email out to tons of people asking where there favorite place in the world is.  Planning a long trip, but now that is simply not going to happen for a while.  I couldn't help but cry with him.  This was no fun.  He left, he had to.  He didn't want to.  I got to sit in a chair by myself and not move so all these concoctions could fill up my little cells and body so that we will know if the cancer has gone anywhere else.  This is good.  We will KNOW.

One of the craziest sensations I have ever got to experience happened to me when I was in the scanner.  They injected me with Iodine and barium, an IV contrast, that felt like very hot water was being poured over my head.  Quickly in about 30 seconds felt it flush from my head to my groining.  Incredible.  Not pleasant, but not great.   A few hours later a wobbly me came out and my husband and I kissed.  In the back of my mind I wondered if I shouldn't, am I a walking glow stick?  My skin sure felt it.  For the rest of the day I felt pretty brain dead.  I couldn't eat, just not hungry.  I drank lots of water and forced myself to have the biggest bowl of delicious watermelon.  But I was forcing myself.  I usually love to eat.  Weird.  

I woke up this morning thinking, which is great, I don't feel brain dumb anymore.  I thought  it would be fun for you guys and me and anyone that reads this that is going through this at any stage, to start a little list of potions I have had.  I am sure this list will grow and will be a seperate post labeled: A List of Potions..