Welcome to THE CLUB YOU CAN'T BELONG TO

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Meds and more meds

My very nice Oncology nurse said to me the other day, " Heather, you just have to let go of the alnertavive way in you go while you are doing this chemo. You need to stay up on the meds, you need to take them." I have found this to be true. No waiting, to see how badly I need them, because badly is going to come, and it is going to come rolling at m like a frieght train, a black one at that. I have med's that I have to take that make me unable to drive, to keep my nausea down, and that make it very hard for me to type and to read, or even watch TV. My eyes are pretty blury. This is a close second to the overall jest of not feeling well and achy. I am hoping today is a better day. We will just have to see. Everyday, I have walked with Gen down to the beach,sat and watched the ferries leave Vashon Island and then walk back up the hill.
Yesterday, I had to water a cedar tree, on my own accord. There was nothing I could do. I tired to get deep into the tree, but I am on so many med's right now, and drinking so much water (tons and tons) that if I did get caught, I would have first of all looked ill and very believable and secondly my excuse would have worked. If none of those worked, I am a girl. : )
As we sat yesterday, on one of our walks. One walk we drove down to Alki. We took a break on one of the benches and talked about coping. I am ready to come back to the copying side of life again. Copying, as in letting, and allowing myself to believe, and fall into what we as humans do. We use our various stretched out, enlightening, purpose filled, you got my picture reasons why and how life is so hard and how we get through it. I am ready to fall back into this. However much, getting a life threatening disease took this from me for almost two months. More acutely just being faces with my own mortality on such a deep and devastating level. I think its fair to start trusting in "things" again. We all have them. It is what makes us get up on the right side of the bed. Taking another med, so that I can get some sleep and deal with the nausea. I have to wake up, eat my new favorite bland meal of egg on toasted toast, and go back to sleep. Or is that, lay in bed and wait for the medicine to put me to sleep. This is all so foreign!

No comments: