Treatment and all that Jazz

I sure was hoping that I wasn't going to need chemo.  But ALL Triple Negative breast cancer patients get it.  It is all we have.  My final diagnosis is T1c.  I am a stage 1, which is awesome!  I did catch it early!!  But what he doesn't like is that I am a Triple Negative.  The numbers look like this for me.  One in 6 will get a second recurrence within the first two years.  Which freaks me out a little.  Driving home we were on a little road that merged us onto the West Seattle bridge.  I told D, its like all of us cars are Triple Negative Breast Cancer Survivor's and one of six cars will just blow up.  It will get that cancer back.  

Those odds are not that great.  I am mean, should I be happy that one in six of my friends could die?  No, I don't think that is good.  But, if I want to put on the happy hat with all its charms and whistles sure, I only have a 15% chance., that's low.  My margins around the tumor were all good except the back one.  The Doc's like to get a 1cm all around the tumor and the back one is 1mm.  He said he was happy with that and so was the surgeon because in the back, the Pectoralis Major muscle is a sheath that stops/protects the cancer from spreading.  This isn't that reassuring and even D said, I hope you don't get to worried about that.  He said he could see my overtly expressive face freaking out about it, or maybe he can see the springs in my brain popping over it.  This whole thing is unnerving.

There always seems to be some twist to make me never feel safe.  I am settling or learning how to settle into the true unknown's I get to live with for the rest of my life.  My Oncologist that I always want to hug goodbye, said that after 5 years, my numbers of recurrence drop tremendously.  So it looks like I will be crossing my fingers, for five years thanks to my tumor not being positive for any of these hormones.   

I will be starting treatment after they have harvested my eggs, so in about two weeks.  We are getting our floors refinished probably next weekend, so that monday, maybe the 21st.  I will let you know.  My chemo will be for 4 months.  I will have A/C and T, probably Taxol.  Then I will get 3 weeks off for good behavior and then 6 or so weeks of radiation and then I will be done!!