Yogurt and my meanderings

Okay, I can finally say it, " I made it thru my first chemo treatment." I am really done. Last night, though the heartburn was severe, I slept every couple hours. Then I would wake up and have a huge bowl of Nancys Lowfat Plain Yogurt. The chemo's new second food must have. I think I ate three huge bowls, or was that four? All I know is that I bought a big one, the biggest one they make yesterday and I ate half of it last night. It was the only thing that soothed my stomach. I slept. That is huge. I thought, as I can still feel the steroid's or, maybe its just the anxities of going through this treatment.
This disease is teaching me many things. One of the big ones is compassion. Not that I wasn't a compassionate person before but because I see the fragility of who we all are. I knew that we are all trying our hardest and trying to be the best we can, but now I don't feel the judgement that was there before. I have an exceptance in a more universal way. The second biggy is a fact. I am learning to surrender. That though, the "normal" Heather, or the Heather that has died in the past few months, once believed she was God. I truely did, guys. I thought I 100% was what I believed, projected, willed, everything, you name it, I believed that I could actually shift anything if I believed in it enough. But what I am learning through surrendering, is that I do not have control over anything (oh, please spare me the attitude one, I know that-I say that with a smirk) and the old "God" that I thought I once was/is/have been~because I was once a this, I is now gone. In its place in me learning to be okay with the unknown. There could rest fear in this place, but I have to disregard it. I have to push it aside. I have to trust in the winds of change, or spirit, or allah, or jesus, whatever we "cope" with by calling on the greater, I have to trust that everything is going to be alright. And for the first time in my life, not just because I feel like its me that is projecting on itself. Me, the all knowing manifester~ smirking again.
So, yes, I have to surrender, and trust, and have more compassion ALL for myself during this time, which in and of itself is teaching me to open my spirit like a lotus blossom and just love.
This is incredibly painful to me. I feel a sense of death to the young superwoman that flew in all her glory. I feel an age of understanding that my Dad, would have hoped I wouldn't see for twenty more years. But, for some reason the winds brought these lessons to me this summer, and I get to be a better person sooner, than I had thought in my all knowing, was due me.