Back to back

I was thinking that back to back would be a good title since I just gave two 1 1/2 hour massages back to back, and I feel awesome. It is so good to be back and fully back. I cannot say how happy I am that I feel normal again. With the whole treatment thing started, I almost mentally feel like Heather again. The old superwoman, Heather.
When I wrote back to back, I also thought that it was a good title with how I am feeling, or is that stuffing, the fact that I have 11 more treatments. In the bottom of my gut and in the back of my mind there is sheer terror with the fact that I have to go through this 11 more times. I am scared and freaked out. I can have a good and optimistic attitude, and hope and try to will my body into not having any reactions to the chemo. But because the first round was so bad, (could've been worse, I could've been puking) that I am a little nervous. So, I just have to think of all the little kids that go through this and all the millions of people worldwide that do chemo and not worry about it. I just have to be a little chemo soldier and keep going.
I am not allowing myself to actually think about my upcoming treatments, except when I am writing here. I am now going to stop myself. Today is a beautiful day in Seattle. Thank God! It has been rainy and cold for most of last week. I have one more 1 1/2 hour massage to do today, and I am looking forward to it. Off to finish, The Book Of Negroes.