My sis and I grew up sharing a room. I was the neat freak and she was the one with the apple under her bed. Needless to say, one day I got the almighty Roll Of Duck Tape and made a line down the middle of our room. That way my weeble wobbly's and fischer price guys could be set up in constant play and I didn't have to worry about cleaning her side of the room. Last night or I guess still tonight, I slept in the same bed with her. I love her so much. This snuggly brought back childhood memories and a comfort that is only shared with a sister. I have been up off and on since 1 am. The first round, I ate a cup of Plain LF Nancys yogurt and now, a bowl of kick ass buffalo chili my fridn Nic brought by earlier in the week. Its so good. I am not sure if I'll be able to get myself to fall asleep again. The steroid induced weight gain came on again yesterday. My doc, (tink by the way) said its usual and I am okay. Even the very not talked about because I was afraid of talking about "crazy" things on her that the 6th day I loose my mind for about 45 minutes. I have to force myself to lay down and not to think because my mind starts racing faster than my other mind and I fragment. No worries with that, just a lovely side effect of the chemo and steroid use together. Both just working their way out of my sysytem. I am crossing my fingers that it doessn't happen this time again.
Over all this chemo was better than the other two. Yesterday was a bad day. I hope today isn't a bad day. My joints really really hurt and I had to take an ativan just to be able to handle the persistant *reaking pain last night. I'm supposed to take those every night, and I do, but I took it a little early. They are supposed to help me sleep. But they don't. As you can see. I watched the stand up to cancer thing yesterday. My sis and I held hands and she cried. I couldn't cry anymore. You know, the tears would have been "poor me" tears and my sis was doing enough of those for me that it made me feel good and empowered. Damn cancer. Wears that Fuck cancer hat. My little noggin is cold. I wear it around the house. Haven't been bold enough to wear it on the streets of West Seattle. I think kids hear that word enough. They don't need to see a bald lady wearing it on her head.
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3 comments:
That's so very respectful of you, Heather, to not wear the hat out and about in public for the sake of young eyes.
I'm sorry you are not sleeping and that this round is rough, even if its not as bad as #1.
You know my thoughts are with you. I wish I could give you a hug. I'm glad that the doctor confirmed the steroid thing. Even though it keeps you awake, it is so worth it in the end.
Atavan was my favorite sleep aid. But they gave it to me in an IV when I was in the hospital. I hope you start being able to sleep soon, and the aches subside - even just a little.
I can't wait to give you a huge hug tomorrow when I bring your yummy supper. You have such a knack for this blog thing Heather. What a writer you are! You make me laugh and I'm so honored to know you, someone who is handling all of this so boldly and openly and teaching all of us so much about ourselves and our fears in the process. Bravo to you bald lady! YOU ROCK!
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