Well today's the day for the tear duct surgery. I can't wait till my eyes are fixed. They are so chapped and red down to my check bones. I am not scared for the surgery. But I am nervous. I just don't know how I will be after the surgery. I am going to get knocked out, and I am allergic to some pain meds. After the lumpectomy I threw up all the way home, so I am hoping this isn't how I am.
You know, I have been dealing with going to doctors appointments or this or that for over 5 months now. Its a long time for me. But what is getting apparent is how long it is for everyone in my life. D's life has kept going and he has integrated all these appointments into his life. But there are times, like today, that taking time off in the middle of the day to go to another doctors appointment is just not conveinant. I recognize this, and so I am taking a cab to the surgery and he's going to pick me up. We need him to work during the day, and its kindof part of life. You come into this life alone, you die alone, and I am going to be in surgery alone. Its not like he is going to be in the operating room with me. So, I after I freaked out a bit, realized that its okay that he not take the day off, and sit in the lobby waiting for me.
THis whole thing sucks. And I think I am learning a lot. But mainly, I am getting stronger in me, and learning that it really is just me. Or just you. We really only ever have ourselves.
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3 comments:
It's true, what you say, but there are also a lot of people out here who care very much about this journey of yours and your experiences and YOU. D is one of them and there are a lot more too. There is a lot of love and care for you in this world, even tho there are so many things each of us has to do alone.
You're clearly very strong and it's serving you well. I hope your surgery goes well, Heather. Anything that increases your comfort as you finish your rounds of chemo is a good thing. I follow your blog every day, linked up through Renee's blog.
You're heading down the home stretch. Good luck and God Bless.
-Sharon
I'm sorry I couldn't take you today. Hope eveything went wel.
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