For those of you without cancer..

Yesterday I spoke with a friend that is on a similar journey as I, but his cancer treatment is much more compact and brutal. We shared some hard things that only a Survivor really gets. And he said something to me that I felt that I should share once again, I know I have in earlier posts, but I thought it might be helpful to those of you that are reading this that have never had cancer and are helping take care of us along our journey. And for those of you that have not been affected by this disease, I think this could be helpful to you as well.
It is very easy in life to think you know yourself well enough to know how you will be in any one circumstance. I think we all would like to think that we know how we'd be if we got a limb cut-off, or if we lost our sight suddenly, or if we...you get the idea. But really none of us know how we would be. I can tell you that the hardest part of this journey for me was dealing with family and loved ones in my life judge me and hold me up to standards that they thought and knew that they'd react like. It was the most painful part of this journey. When all you need is love, and all you need is someone to tell you, " I have absolutely no idea what you are going through and I am not going to pretend that I do. I am here for you. I am here to listen to you." But instead, what I got was judgement from a few, and I had to gently explain myself in a time when I did not have the energy to do so. And honestly should not have been put in that position. My one prayer is to forgive these folks so that I can move on. But it is taking time.
So my suggestion is for those of you in the new role of being a friend to someone in this journey, is simple. Just listen. Don't tell them that you think you'd do something different then they are doing. Because I'll tell you what. I would have never in a million years thought I would do some of the things I have had to do, and I mean HAD to do, to get through this. Everything, was striped from me. Cancer strips every idea you once you thought you had, every memory that is attached to a feeling, ev-er-y-thing is gone. And it is up to the Survivor to get through their journey so that they can Survive. It is our journey, and our's alone.
My friend and I laughed yesterday that we watch so much TV. I rattled off the shows and times, and he said, "I'm right there with you."
When I first got diagnosed, D and I were trying to be positive and he said," Now you can learn to do the things you've wanted to learn." I thought, "Great idea. I can learn to knit." But when it came down to it, its either I am totally in the present moment. And in the present moment, you hurt, you feel really really sick, you're body is not your own, and you lay there feeling in the moment how it is to be really truely sick. And months go by, and it is too brutal to be present 24 hours a day. And really, truely alone with only your mind and your sick, sometimes hurting self, on tons of med's (which is so foreign to me).
So, I have chosen to give my mind a break, and my heart, and my flu like constant a break, to not think and watch lots of TV. I don't want to read right now, I don't want to do anything on those bad days. I want to disappear and laugh, and I get to laugh when I watch Ellen Degeneres. So, please, hold the judgements. You really have no idea what is is like to try to get through a experience like this, unless you've been there. And a bit of advice for you care-givers:
The most helpful thing you can do, is get the support you need so that you can be the support needed.