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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Drinking Tea

Life is so good and busy again and I am so happy about that that there is no feelings of being "stressed". I am simply enjoying feeling my body awaken and my mind awaken. Each day I think, " I am back!" But then I fall asleep at 8:30 (except on LOST nights..) and I mean fall asleep. It isn't even possible to put toothpicks in the ol' eyelids, to keep up open. There is an exhaustion that hits me in the evenings and I have been able to sleep until 6 or 7 the past couple of days. I do wake up and panic about various life stuff, but I have been able to calm myself down and enter dream land again. Oh, right I as saying, so then I wake up the next morning and start my day and feel even better. I am remembering how much energy I actually had and I think it will take some time to have my body fully back. Sun-Tuesday I walked 2.3 miles each day and took the day off yesterday because I worked all day!! Those days in bed are encouraging me to "do" lots!! But don't worry, those days in bed taught me my "take time and care of Heather" limits so I know them, well...at least a little bit more.
My mind is healing still and each day it is healing more as well. Massage there isn't that much to think about. Though, I am one of those weirdo's simply remembers every body ailment, or family member once I put my hands on them. This has been challenged a bit. But with real estate its all mind. So, I just write more notes to myself and really I am healing it it feels each day that I challenge it. Tuesday was a really good mind day at real estate and I felt so good about myself at the end of the day.
I am becoming attuned to the idea and fact that I am less weepy, who knows if its from the steroids lessening, if my hormones are all out of whack with this whole chemopause thing, or if I am emersing myself so diligently and busily into lifes work and I don't have the time to think about myself as much.
I believe the later is the truth and cause. My new challenge is to take the mornings to myself. Challenge in not a bad way, like I have to challenge myself to do it to make the time. But challenge in that I want my mornings to remain sacred and I want this time to not go away, so I need to allow and give myself this at least 6 days a week. Until noon. I am also not booking massage after 5:30 so I get home at 7:30. I am not letting myself be as busy as I once was. This is very healthy for me.
D decided, I think, to not go to Hawaii by himself. Who knows..but now we are talking about going to Tulum, Mexico.
The only thing is that we don't know when I am going to start radiation yet, and so don't know when I am going to be done. Then there are the weeks of needing to heal and rest before we hop on a plane to go anywhere. So May it sortof looks like and thats rainy season in Tulum, so maybe the south of France, with the trips to Paris of coarse.
I saw my Onc yesterday for the first time in two weeks. I have now gained 4 pounds since leaving the hospital 154.8. I am bummed, but not too sad. I know I'll lose it. I see him next week and also see the radiology oncologist and together they will decide when I can start my rads. I have really bad acne right now and he said its from the steroids. He said my hot flashes were from the steroids and I had to correct him twice until he heard me. And what he heard me say was, "No. I had the hot flashes go away for a few months, but the last month they came back. Before you put me on steroids they were back and bad." He finally heard outside of the box of "normal" folks and "usual" cases and suggested I take remifemin. I don't like taking stuff, but I read about it its Black Cohosh. I'll talk to the herbalist on Vashon first.

1 comment:

Tink1272 said...

Black Cohosh helped me a ton with the hot flashes and everything else. I used Estroven, I think. And really, it helped a ton!