Totally Annoyed

Well...I went to see my Onc today, and sure enough the lining around my lungs have a minute amount of water around them, and I've gained 3 pounds in a few days since I last saw him. My ankles/legs are way more swollen this evening then they have been in a while. I am totally annoyed, exhausted, and ready for this to be over. I have another eccho tomorrow to see how my heart is doing, and I can guarentee that there is water around it. It feels weird to bend over, its hard to differentiate between my heart and lungs, all I know is that my guts feel weird.
My Onc is not concerned right now, and so i am not as well. Yeah, right! I just want to be fine, I just want to start my damn rads and be done with this. I asked him today if this could be something I might have to deal with for the rest of my life because maybe my systems got messed up with the chemo, and he said he didn't think so. He thinks that it might just be that my body needs more time to heal, or it might be a virus. He told me to keep working, to keep walking, and to keep doing whatever I am doing. I am fine. We'll know more tomorrow. I feel fine, really I do. I am not trying to talk myself into anything. I DO however, feel kind of depressed with the news that there is more water around my lungs.
I feel like I was told I had to run five miles, and I had it in me to just do that. I ran the freakin' five miles, and I can't do anymore. I am done. I want a massage, and to drink some water, and then eat a really good meal. I don't want to have to run another three miles. I want to be DONE!! Of coarse we all know that I have it in me to do more, and we all have it in us to dig deep and do more, I just am hoping I don't have to.
What I would love to happen, is that there is no water around my heart, and that my Onc and my Onc Radiologist tells me this week that I am allowed to start my rads next Monday and that i am done with all this crap by Mid-April!!!!!!!!! Lets cross our fingers that this is the case.

Okay, the TV junkie is me is off to watch the Bachelor and to put my feet up.