A few thoughts

The thought that would like to be acknowledge in this phase of healing is mainly this one, " How did I get through that?" Really, how did I? In life, I have had many challenges. Living and traveling in West Africa was one of them. How did I manage to live like that? The answer was easy. But to many they don't know how I did. And how is it that I loved it so much?
I didn't love any of this past years hell. I didn't. I really didn't. I did however love deeply, and get to walk through this life until I die, with a greater sense of what love is. I am thankful for all this.
I am not inspired to start writing my book because I am still processing. Albeit, coming to a place soon that I can. I have filled my schedule to the max. Each day doing at least 4 massages ( I did 76 massages in May), and I took a new listing, possibly 2 more, I'll find out this sunday, and sold one house. I have been slammed. June is starting to look like that as well, with 2 weekends off.
But July, I think this will be my month of slowing down and taking care of Heather. The past few months I needed to work, I needed to start LIVING. I had tea with a friend the other day, and he said, "What fills you up?" This answer used to entail "doing" to experience something. Now, its the little things. My answer to him, "Well, I have been needing some burlap sacks for (hint, hint for family~except pregnant sis, you can't do it!) for my party, and I was sitting here before you came and the barista hollered out if anyone wanted them. That filled my soul. I have been needing 3 burlap sacks, and there they were, given to me." Those are the small things that fill my heart and make me realize that yes, I am on the right path.
So May and June, are work and Live months. Being in the present moment and enjoying just being. It is that simple. June 1st, I am starting to exercise, because this body is going to be in great shape. June 1st, I start working with my ND with detoxing my body, hardcore. She'll be hooking my port up to machine and actually cleaning my blood, ect..
And July, I am going to take a vaca by myself, and sit, and read my blog. From start to finish. Reread it, and sit with it. Sit with me. Cry. And start formulating my book.

D keeps saying how tired he is of all this, he wants to start living in the future. Well, what he doesn't understand is that I am my past, I am a Survivor and I am not living in the future. I am living in the present moment. Right here, Right now, breathing. I made it. I did it. I made it. I really did. Home feels like, I just ran a race but there can't be any acknowledgement that I ran the race because the team mates are sick of hearing about track and field.
Fuck That!
So what I do is cheer myself on throughout my days when I get to do a new thing. Like yesterday, my nails are finally long enough that I needed to cut them and use my file. That was fun. Today I am going to paint them.
I am starting to see my cheekbones, this is really exciting.
I am starting to see my stomach muscles again.
My hair is officially getting long, and I think its gonna be curly, she says with a smile.
Life is good. I am so excited.