Get out of jail pass

Can't sleep. I feel weird, had a chemo taste in my mouth, still have it, so I woke up. Now, I am remembering all my nights in my old kitchen (was the prettiest one we re-did), unable to sleep, high on drugs, eating egg and toast. Ick!

One thing that I keep forgetting to write in here is something that I have just been noticing for over a month. I am not judging it, but sure am questioning it because I don't understand it. And I will say, please don't any of you suggest in comments what you think it may be. As I feel vulnerable with it, and don't understand it, so I am probably suggestable..

It is that I feel separate from everything. I feel it on an energetic level and on an emotional level. I notice it when I am and should be having a deep connection with my sis, or with a friend, or with my Dad, with an animal, with a garden, or with anyone. Like the other day, when I was massaging a newly re-diagnosed cancer lady and we had a deep connection, a deep understanding with one another. It was felt. But at the same time, I feel a distance. Kind of like I'm floating out of my body and looking down. But I am grounded. I'm here. Maybe a little busy, but here.
Or, when I am with my sis. I am really really excited that her little tiger is coming. My little tiger (haha, wendy~and Wendy I haven't spoken to you about this only because I'm so weirded out by it, and i've been trying to figure it out)
But Im really excited, and all that comes with it. With the exception of, that again I feel disconnected. Shell shocked. TOtally out of the shell. Again, a feeling of not being in the experience, but just being a visitor, on a get out of jail pass. This is quite disturbing to me. As I am such an emotional person, so in tune with me and my feelings. I get the depth of my connections with people, and I feel it, but there is something that is blocking the connection. Like I am floating out of my body, like a dead person, looking down at the situation and seeing the beauty, but not having the connection as an alive person. Okay, I said it. The part I was scared of.
I feel like I am experiencing life as a dead person, instead of an alive person.
Its weird. I need to write this into my calender next to my cancer therapist so I remember to talk to her about this. Its disturbing and maybe just a normal part of coming alive again. Not sure. But its weird.