What if it stops? Maybe I shouldn't have told anyone. It did happen. It is happening. How long will it last? Wonder if I will go back to my 21 day cycle? Does my body know what to do? I get to experience menopause again...yay..and ugh.. I get to celebrate and create a ritual of coming back into my womanhood. I get to put off welcoming menopause. In my early 40's I have to have my uterus, ect taken out to prevent cancer showing up there..at least I will have gotten to have a baby(ies) by then (alone or married I will do this if infact I can). Everyone is saying I should stop running. Doesn't anyone understand that I know my body really well? Doesn't everyone understand that I believe it is my running that got my Moon to come back? I think running cleared all the toxins out of my system so that my body reversed the menopause/chemopause like state. I am going to run my 20 miles on Saturday, just because I am bleeding doesn't mean that my body needs to sit around and drink tea. Bodies are meant to be moved. I am running this marathon. I am scared. Feeling my body/mind resisting sinking deeply into myself. As I sat tonight and drank my Kava tea I felt my uterus. I felt my body calling myself back into itself. I have been so scared, so sad, that I had separated myself from my uterus. Instead I drank my tea and I simply noticed this. Instead of sitting and closing my eyes, and reconnecting. That is for tomorrow morning's tea. So happy my friend Katie is coming down from Van tomorrow. I get to celebrate with a friend. I need to do a spa weekend. Relax into myself. Unto myself. Love. Slow down the pace, to heal, to heal yet again. How is it that I can be this connected to myself, and so aware, yet so unaware? How is it that I am just now realizing how my sadness had caused me to disconnect to my own reproduction system? I need to do a meditation from head to toe, from toe to head with welcoming myself back to myself. Listening to what these body parts are saying to each other. That will be my new morning ritual before I get out of bed. Wow!! I started. Time to drink more water, and try to go back to sleep.
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3 comments:
Heather, call me if you're worried about running (not right now though, I forgot my phone at home). I don't think it's something you need to be worried about in regards to this.
My goodness gracious...I can't imagine a single reason to stop running! It actually surprises me to hear people are suggesting you stop. You keep listening to YOU--you got through this, you are cleaning out your bod, you are owning your life head to toe. I admire you.
Thanks girls. There is the old thought, like when we were girls at gym. Remember if we wanted to, we could sit on the sidelines and do nothing. Well, I wasn't that girl then, and I am not that girl now. And now, they know that exercise actually helps. And...I know it helps me. I feel all the love (and fear) from everyone who suggests to me that I not run anymore. I know its coming from a good place.
Its just yet another reminder in my life, that when I feel like I "need" to tell someone my opinion on their life, that I hold my thought...or rephrase my thought into a question.
I love you girls. This news Em..is going to be apart of US...I admire you, Tamara. Bunny kisses.
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