I've been talking to all my dear friends/family today and its interesting hearing myself talk. Its kind of strange. How when I talk to one person I might be laughing, and the next not even be audible because of me crying. Wasn't it just the other day that I was telling my little soldier it was safe? I heard myself tell my adopted Uncle George today, that maybe this is just the life of a survivor for the first few years. Or maybe its just like this for a Triple Negative the first few years, because my odds go back to a normal persons after two more years. I've already put one behind me. I say that, as I feel the hard lump. That is what it is. I don't know, and all I have to go with so far is the technology that said its 99% sure its nothing.
I wish I could see my Surgeon today. Monday is a long way away. My friend Tamara is coming with me. My X, used to get upset when I'd ask him to go with me. He'd say, "Why do I need to be there?" But what people don't understand is that when you are freaked the hell out, my mind goes blank and its all you can do but to listen and try to ask questions. So, Tamara is going and she'll fire away at all the questions for me. If I forget. Maybe it'll be a really good visit. Maybe he'll show me my MRI and say, yep there it is. And nothing to worry about, simple scar tissue.
This is sucky. Sucky Ducky.
Well, I'm off to do a few massages and a wee bit of real estate. Its a perfect fall day here in the PNW. The trees are in their splendid glory of shifting colours and its raining.
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4 comments:
Definitely sucky. But, I'm going to go on thinking it's going to be fine. Feel free to call me if you need to talk this weekend...
...which reminds me...we need to create our list of questions!
Heather -- I have found your blog to be inspiring. I too am a Triple Negative -- I'm a Stage III (talk about sucky!) ... I am blogging at www.caringbridge.org/visit/tammymyers if you would care to visit. I have only finished one chemo treatment, four more to go (yay) ... then a double mastectomy, followed by more chemo & then 30 rounds of radiation. I just learned Friday that I am Triple Negative, and I am learning what I can. That is how I came across your blog. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Best of luck to you, my girl, at your dr. appt. I will definitely keep you in my prayers!
All the best,
Tammy Myers
Can't wait for a report.
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