Lots of food

This past month we've had people bringing food twice a week and it has really helped. Its such a big deal to except this gesture to me. The fact that we need help right now and that this is the most nurturing form of help we get. Simply not having to deal with figuring what to cook but to just go to the fridge and and grab dinner is a blessing. So thank you to all you angels that have been helping us.
I have fleeting worries that the cancer will come back. I guess this is normal. Today it happened. I was standing at the kitchen sink gazing out at the back yard and noticing all the fall color. And the terror of the thought that what if it comes back. I hate all the stats that say 5 or 10 years after treatment the person is still cancer free. Well, I am only 33 and 5 or 10 years is nothing. I wouldn't even be 50 by then. I have to admit that I am freaked out about it. Not that I am dwelling just that I have to acknowledge the possibility. Its kindof like those of you that have been in a bad car accident and as your the passenger in the car the driver makes you scared for your life. You've been through a horrible experience and your body is warning you of danger. Not impending danger, just danger. This is how it feels. My body is scared to go through this again. Not that I feel that I will have to, but I am scared. And honestly, I still cannot believe that that little bump in my boob was a tumor.