A better day

Today has been up and down with me simply not feeling good and being really tired. There is a huge part of me that is scared of doing this chemo and I am really upset about it. This is something that I just have to set aside and not dwell on because it doesn't help anything at all. But I am scared of it. I am scared that the drugs are ruining my body somehow and taking years off of my life. I feel sad that I am so young and so healthy and that I have to face this. I feel pretty devastated by it. I just want a normal life, and this is hard to set aside when I am out in public. When I am at home, I can just fall asleep and spend my waking hours watching TV, as today and the past week are not days that are full of energy and excitement. I can't believe that its August and summer of 2008 has gone by and I spent the summer dealing with this. The scary part is that I still have months and months of dealing with this.
When my Dad was here, I had a short five minutes of a pitty party with him. He didn't let me stay in it longer than a few minutes and this post and those feelings I am setting aside are reminiscent of that party. This sucks and I am bummed. My stomach doesn't feel good today and I am exhausted. I am pretty sad lately, and there is nothing around that. Its just a simple fact.