Nails of death

Not sure, and hope I never do know for sure what a dead body smells like. But I now have seven, count them 7 nails that are falling off and two of them smell like death. Talking on my phone is hard to do as they are close to my nose and make me sick. I am almost ready to start wearing latex gloves when I eat are touch food. In fact, I think I will. I know the air is good for them. Twice a day I soak them in epson salt for ten minutes and it just cleans out the skin deeper and deeper under the nail beds. The nails that stink have a disgusting red liquid that comes out from under them. Last week my doc wasn't concerned this week he said, "looks like you have a little infection." He prescribed an anitbiotic that is disgusting. I am supposed to take it four times a day for seven days. I took it at 9 and then I have been on a kick for the rest of the day of deciding I knew better than the doc and that I wasn't going to take them. I tried flushing under the nail with tea tree oil (which is very smelly usually) and lavender oil, both good at anti-bacterial stuff. But they didn't even come near taking away the death smell. Coudln't even smell the yummy lavender.
As I am writing this I can oh, so little smell my fingers and I know I am being ridiculous. I even tried calling my Onc, but the office is closed. I just don't want to take another freakin' pill, don't want to take something that hurts my stomach and makes me have heart burn, doesn't want to take a med that I have to take on an empty stomach, I don't want to take another fucking pill. But I am being dumb, I am risking a bigger infection sense my counts are low, and I took another fucking pill. Fuck. Fuck the stench.
The little sister in me that loved, and I mean loved to terrorize my siblings whenever it was my turn to do so, keeps trying or suggesting D, "just smell them." (okay, if you're going to read any further, you must pinkie swear me that you're not going to tell D). And the (I'm laughing) even naughtier sibling in me, that is surely pushing my luck, (more naughty laughter) when he sleeps (more naughty laughter) puts my hands close to his face. Oh, its so bad. I know. I have this evil side of me, and it is just wanting to share with him. This whole cancer thing is not sexy. Nothing about it is sexy. And trying to get my husband to smell my disgusting fingers is not sexy. So why do it to him. Because he is also my brother at times. He is my father at times. He is everything to me at different times. And sometimes I like to scratch him with my toe nails when he is relaxing just to hear him squeal. I don't know. Call me a turd. Its fun.
Tomorrow I have a CT scan to check my lungs. I hope something shows up. Maybe my ( ugh. that pill is starting to make my throat taste gross) lungs have some weird thing going on just from the chemo. I just don't want it to not show anything, because something is happening. I am not a hyperchondriac. They hurt.