Up and in a panic

Today, I realized that I am dealing with the steroids a bit better. I think its because I made peace with them, and peace with taking them. Maybe? I tried going to sleep without a pill tonight, and can't. I slept for a few hours, but my dreams are horrible and full of panic ridden events, so I just took a pill and decided to get out of bed until it kicks in. No reason to lay there thinking about the worlds problems.
I have enjoyed the past few days of being done with my treatments. Immensly. Body stuff that is still going on is the tightness in my chest. Not sure if its lungs or heart, or both. The burn/feel tight when I take in a deep breath and I wouldn't be surprised if I had another attack. I saw my Vedic Astrologer today, Dennis Flaherty. He is truely one of the most insightful people I have ever met. Dead on. Last March, before I found the lump he told me that come the beginning of June my life would come to a screaching halt. I didn't know what he meant, and I surely didn't think it would in such a drastic way. But true to his words, just like always, I was diagnosed June 2. He said he wasn't worried at all, and that my period would come back. I will have kids of my own. Just in a few years. He said until November I have heavy eclipses in something, I can't remember, so health stuff may still be an issue until then. I need to go back and listen to the CD, but he said lots of great things to me. I like to see him once a year and get my tune up. I wish I had listened to him more over the past few years. Everything, and I mean everything he has ever said to me has been right on. In the moment, I didn't want to hear some of the stuff he was saying. Too bad. But lessons learned, I guess.
Time is approaching for my friend Ang and my house sit on Vashon. I just commited to a month long one 10 June-15 July out on Vashon as well. D is always saying how he'd like it if we lived in seperate houses, and if he had a freer marriage, so here we go. For me, I am taking it so that I can use it for restorative time for myself after all this hard stuff I've gone through. I am very much looking for joining back to the old self with the new self. I just can't wait to have that extra personal power once they are united. So very grateful still for all that I have gone through. This summer will be very reflective, and full of gardening. Even though I will be on Vashon I will need to come to my house in West Seattle a lot since I've gone a little over board with the garden. I just can't help myself. So far, and that is the word here, so far, as I do intend to get cuc's, carrots, beans, broccoli, basil, cilantro, tomatoes, and potatoes in still. But so far I have, parsley, chives, red kale, dinosaur kale, peas, violets (I love eating edible flowers in my salads), calendula (again for salads), all kinds of salad greens, spinach, fennel, and cauliflower, oh! and bok choy and nastursiums (for salads again). I can't wait. I am so excited.
I get to have a summer this year. I am not going to miss out on it at ALL! Phew, last summer. Well, I can't bring myself to start reading all that I went through yet, but that sucked. I am exhausted and the pill is kicking in so I am out of here.