Attention!! I AM A SURVIVOR...

I'm up at my favorite tea shop on Queen Anne hill in Seattle, at the TeaCup. I was fine, until I decided I was ready to grab all the swirling thoughts that have been dancing around me in the past few weeks, and throw them into a ball of fury here. At which point, I sit in a crowded cafe, surrounded by young hip kids my age, holding back tears as best I can.
To answer all the questions in a nut shell, I am cancer free, I am awesome, and it was simply scar tissue.

What gets me today, is this asinine news all over the front pages of our newspapers.
Being the little cancer sharer that I am, as I was sitting in a mechanic's lobby waiting for an appointment today, surrounded by young women, I said out loud in the office, "What do you all think about the news today, about not getting Mammograms and that we shouldn't be checking our boobs because of the "fear" that this process puts us through?" Quickly, all of them started talking over each other, sharing their stories with breast or ovarian cancers in their families, their fears. I was filled with despair (for only a moment, as I know how much ass I am going to kick soon) and a feeling of what can I do, to fight the insurance companies that are so obviously pushing this "fear" tactic. In my opinion trying to save monies and push us out of our right to get these tests paid for by them, that are one of our only ways of finding breast cancer.

Yes, the mammography is not a tool that is successful in finding young women's breast cancer due to our breast density. This is true. But it does work sometimes. And sometimes is better than nothing. And..And...And...oh, I am so pissed. I cannot wait until I am grounded in my health again. Smarter. Wiser. Oh, this lioness is going to shred some heads. I want so desperately to change the face of cancer. Some tall, cute, smart, healthy, organic this and that, I got it. I found it. I found it. FOlks I found it. Where was I? I was trying on lingerie at one of my favorite little shops here in Seattle. This is a quick recap of what went on in my head that day:
Wait? What is that? That is a lump. Quickly, my mind went back six months to my yearly exam. My doctor, is a breast cancer survivor, and oh..right. She hesitated here. She did. She didn't say anything. What is that? What is this? Hmmm..I let it go for a few weeks BECAUSE SHE DID. She felt it. Its probably nothing. Right? For weeks, I walked around with this knot in my chest. Then I said something to D, as I we sat on the coach. Very nonchalantly. No need to make a big deal about it right? "Hey, I found this. Can you feel it and tell me what you think?"
Luckily he thought I should go get it checked out. If I had not shown it to him, I would probably be dead of this within the next few years. You wanna now why, I say such a definitive thing like that?
I say that because CANCER IN YOUNGER WOMEN IS MORE AGGRESSIVE. It is usually Triple Negative. Negative to all the receptors: Progesterone, Estrogen, and Her2Nu (the growth hormone in all of our bodies). These are the known food choices for these other types of cancers. But mine, like most younger womens cancer's, and women that are African American and Latina, are usually known as TN..Triple Negative for the sole reason that it is negative to all the known receptors. Got it.
Yonger woman only have ONE TOOL. One tool, to save our lives. Because doctors do not look out of the box. They do not see out of the box, even though they may EVEN BE BREAST CANCER SURVIVORS, THEMSELVES.
The box is this: Women under 40 do not get breast cancer. It is a rare 11,000 that do a year. I was one of 11,000.
We only have self-examinations. Without this, small and effective tool, there will be more younger woman dying. Already, as it is WE women under 40 years young, have a higher mortality rate. It is beacause, there are no known effective tools for our diagnosis, doctors do not send us to get checked out as often as they should when a lump is discovered, choosing instead to act like God. If I had not found mine that day, I would have quickly become a stage 2.
My lump was found at 1.8 cm's with no node involvement. My survival rates are much higher because of this. Stage 2, with node involvement or anything higher than 2 cm's, is a whole different story. Mortality rates change very quickly. That could have easily happened, before my next yearly appointment (and that is IF, they doctor chose to look out of the box at this appointment). By then, I could have been a stage 3. With mortality rates, much much much higher. As it is, when I drive down the road I like to look at all the little cars and think of my stats, being a Stage 1, I have a 1 in 6 chance that my cancer is going to come back. Look around you right now. For every 6 people around you, one of them would die. These stats are horrible. How would you like to live with that as part of your life? How would these insurance companies, these doctors, these whoever they are that are pumping out this crap advice, how would they like it if their young daughters had these odds? Simply because they did not check their breasts? Simply because the only tool we have, and they have was ignored for the comfort of sometimes needless inquiries and mammograms showing there was no cancer.
An opportunity to say, you know what, you do not have cancer. You did what you should have. You checked your breasts every month, you noticed a change. And that yes, we will do a Mammogram, and if needed an UltraSound, to now tell you dear:daughters, dear sister, dear wife, dear granddaughter, dear niece, dear friend, that you do not have cancer. Here wipe your tears here on our sleeves, that was scary. But you are healthy, you are fine. What is so wrong with this? The odds are so random. But I was that odd. I deserve to live. I deserved to not have been overlooked. I deserved my doctor sending me to get an Mammogram, but she didn't. Most young women have not found the voice that I have. I could have listened to everyone but D, who insisted I had nothing to worry about. I could have put it off. I would have died of this. As it is, I could still die of this. Cancer, sucks. It does. I want to live. I want to grow old. Luckily I did breast exams. Luckily I tried lingerie on that day.
When will the persecution of women end? When will be honoured, and cared for? When will we be held high and believed just as worthy of living? I am furious. I am in shock.

Do Breast Self-Exams Do Any Good?

For those of you that have followed religiously, you will now about this article (though I think you should take the time to read it) and for those of you that follow along when life allows here's my quick story.  

The original MD I saw told me that there are new stats showing that breast self-exams do more harm than good.  Of coarse when I was still on the "normal" side of things I started telling everyone this new news.  Now that I am on the breast cancer side, and  a women that found my lump myself, and a woman that has learned that most young women are the ones that find their own tumors I am outraged that the original doc told me this.  This article shows a miniscule difference of only 3 women in a control group.  If more Doctors are telling young women like myself to not check their boobs because of this ridiculous study, I believe many young women will die from this.

We need to keep educating women that they DO need to check their breasts.  If this study keeps telling Doctors to tell their patients to not do self- exams, I think in 10 years all the work that has been done will be taken away.  I am floored that there is such a small difference and that the Doctor I heard this from made it seem like there was such a huge difference!  Check it out, and keep checking your boobs girls.  If you don't want to, then think of me, and maybe that will kick you into gear.

If you find a lump, measure it, and watch it like a hawk.  I keep thinking of making "Boobie Journals" for us girls.  I know, one more thing to do, but if you don't start doing it, maybe you won't be here to do those One More Things.

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1823096,00.html?cnn=yes

Sunny skies and eagle fly's

I was driving back from seeing my fertility Doc's at PNW Fertility and an eagle flew high and above me and I just felt wrapped in its wings.  I am so sad today, that I am crying off and on.  But I couldn't ask for a better experience through this.  To be a young woman that wants to have kids and to explore the world with her family and to have all of this put up in front of me as a road block, showing me how desperately I want it, and that this life lives on the other side of this Breast Cancer Roadblock.  I really can't say that I haven't felt totally comforted by each and every doctor, receptionist, technician, blood drawerer, everyone has made this easier for me.  I am so thankful that I have had a team at PNW Fertility that has acted fast so that my treatment wouldn't be delayed. 

 I spoke with a Doc there today that told me that just this winter they went to Oncologists at Swedish and told them that they are now ready to start doing egg freezing for women.  This is huge.  I feel really lucky that I got breast cancer now, and not a few years ago.  At least I have embryo insurance if I need it!  

The other thing I want to share today is this, if anyone is reading this and you know of a way that I can get involved in a large way (like a commercial or ad's or whatever) in being a face for young women with breast cancer, let me know!!  I totally want to do something like this.  Especially when I look healthy and all.  I want women to know that they could be me, and that they need to check their breasts.