Day of Surgery

I am laying in bed typing.  I just gave myself my second fertility shot.  I am trying to not think about the bubbles I saw that I didn't get out of the needle.  I tried to, clicked the needle and then pushed the blunger thing up to make a little drop, or two.  But as I started injecting it I saw bubbles.  I was afraid I'd waste more medicine so I didn't do the whole bubble drop thing again.   Yesterday I got a little sick from the shot, 45 min. after the shot.  Within an hour I felt okay and normal again.  

I woke myself up screaming, "NO," last night.  My heart was racing and I was afraid someone was going to inject me with more medicine.  I really don't have much to say this morning.  I am not as ready for my Lumpectomy as I had hoped.  Although, I am not sure if you're ever ready for surgery.  I don't know how typing will be.  I might as my friend Gen to type for me for a while.  I wonder if I'll be able to extend my right arm enough to even type.  We'll well see.  I am going to go wake up my mother in law.

A basket full of decisions

I talked to my dad today about the decision I need to make about freezing my eggs.  He reminded me that the 40-60% chance that my kids, if I carry the genetic gene would as well if they got it, then have a smaller percentage from that number if they actually got it.  So...I have decided I am going to do it as I am not delaying my treatment.  Even if I was, the surgeon today said that biologically it wouldn't do a thing to my cancer, waiting a few weeks.  Emotionally it is an intense place to be, if I went there.  But I am not going to because I have to stay in the present moment and be still with my decisions.  

Tonight I spoke with my Oncologist.  He is an amazing man and he said that he has been working on compiling the numbers that would help someone like me answer my question.  The one in the earlier post, am I the 75% of the 10% since I am a Triple Negative?  He said there are no stats for this yet, and to go back to the known big number.  Leaving me at 10%, which is only a 9% difference.  The short term recurrence rate is 10% if I do the lumpectomy but long term success rate is the exact thing.  I am pretty sure I am going to go for the lumpectomy because I can always go to the mastectomy if the caner returns.  I have a 90 % chance that it won't.  D posed a question to me today.  If the cancer was in my leg with the exact same sats what would I do?  I didn't have to think, I'd keep the leg.  My surgery is scheduled for July 1st.  I have a few weeks to decide.