Mowing the Lawn

I woke up this morning thinking of getting out there and mowing the lawn.  It has finally stopped raining in the city of perpetual rain, Seattle.  I also want to get dressed and go up to my Realty office and make like thirty boxes of my blog address on it.  When someone asks me, like at the PCC, "How are you doing?"  I am going to tell them I just got diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  I have always disliked this question.  I don't dislike the question, I just dislike the chitter-chatter of it.  The fake depth, but we all know that if you answer, "I feel like shit."  The person asking would react like you told them too much information.  The main reason I need to share, is that it helps me say cancer, I have breast cancer.  D and I both feel like this is maybe a mistake.  Maybe someone will call us and tell us that "Oh, Jez!  Sorry!  We mixed up all the tests, we've been looking at someone else's file." 

So, I am going to tell people.  The other reason is is that I want to educate people while I am the picture of seemingly "Perfect" health.  I want to be the face of cancer that says, "Look at Me, this could be you, check your boobs!"  Have your sister check her boobs.  Last night my sis and I went into a store and this exact thing happened.  He asked me how I was, I told him.  I told him because I saw he had a wedding band on.  I hope that he does call his wife when I leave and tell her. 

 In a while I am going to my office, nobody's ever there on Sundays.  Which is perfect.  If I see someone, I'll start to cry.  I am going to make these little boxes, and if any of you want to get it out there too, please do.  

I am going to mow our lawn today.  I feel good.  I feel like Heather again, just a shocked Heather.  I feel that little girl inside me, that can sit on her Dad's lap and cry.  Dad, she is crying all the time right now.  I am scared.  I am sad.  I am bewildered and shocked, and will probably be pissed for a bit.  I hope not.  I hope that I can stay in a peaceful place with this, as peaceful as possible.  Love.  Its all about Love or Fear.  I must continue the choice to stay in the Light of the Present Moment.  Have a great day all of you.  I might even go watch Sex and the City!!